I Am Sick of Being Me

God, sometimes I'm sick of being me. I can't keep a steady relationship over 3 years! i'm fat.... i'm fat....i'm fat....i'm broke....i'm single....bla...bla...bla...

I pretend that I'm happy to everyone, but deep inside I'm not, for instant whenever people around me asking about my relationship or love life, I end up having nightmares about it, I've been constantly sick for the last...as long as rememberand work has been hell for me!

I just can't seem to get my act together. I over think and over analyse everything to death, to the point where it takes me 2 hours to actually fall asleep or to put back myself in a happy mode. I just feel like I'm going nowhere in my life and it just really sucks. All I want is to be happy and every time I come a little close to being happy, I, they or everyone and everything around me seem to ruin it. I just need to get this out because it's so frustrating that everyone around me seems to be happy and have everything I want, and here I am, an emotional, twisted wreck...have nothing to parade too...

Why can't things just go right for me for a change?

then it come to my senses...

Sometimes having a relationship when you're having conflicts with yourself make them almost impossible to maintain. You shouldn't have to put up a facade to anyone. Work on some good ol' "Me" time. Focus on things you want to do and focus on putting your emotions aside once you get them sorted out.

if you had been dumped by your ex for another person after 2 years of being together or what ever the problem is.. you must and just spent a year of yourself and focused on changes for yourself (for yourself, and not for anybody else). focused on school or work and just spent quality time with yourself or family Of course hung out with friends and everything - dont just hide in your room. things will slowly became more meaningfull and without you notising it , your life will be fulled with colors!

Unfortunately just remember that other people can't fix your insecurities for you. It's a challenge everyone has to tackle and they have to overcome those insecurities. just say Alhamdulillah, everything is going to be okey and let GOD do HIS job and remember, our Qada and Qadar already been written for us.. just close your eyes, and say, our Al Mighty God Allah, knew better...

but stil, im sick of being me...

xoxo